Oh boy, does He listen to that one closely...
All the little things I was placing my security in start to degrade. And all around me, the pride of others seems to inflate! Oh man, I'm feeling tiny.
But that's ok.. wasn't that the point? :)
A couple weeks ago I kept thinking, "What's going on here, why is it everyone's personal mission all of a sudden to try to 'put me in my place', especially when they are obviously not in a good place themselves, or when they barely know me?" And I remembered praying a little, fleeting, genuine prayer to God a month or so ago to "break away my pride".
"Oh yeeeahhhh.. he he he. about that one, God.... um, I actually meant, 'break down OTHER people's pride. yea, that's kinda what I meant."
Nope, not good enough. You asked, you got it.
I came to realize that when you ask for change, God can use anyone to accomplish His will in you - weak, strong, humble, proud, dictator, president, friend, enemy. Luckily I avoided the dictator one. But the validity of the change isn't negated because of the spirituality, or lack of it, in the ones God uses to help you change. Otherwise, how would He ever use me to help others? I'm not perfect either. It's a great system. Bump a few of those crazy imperfect humans around together for a while and they start to sharpen each other up.
Hmmm. No matter how few bananas I buy, or how determined that I will eat all of them before they go brown, one always turns bad on me. Every time. Banana bread!
While I will not pretend that it's fun to start to realize, and then start to lose, the sheer quantity of things in my life I was misguidedly trusting in (or finding my personal value and worth in), it is strangely refreshing to see them go, and also appropriate for this time in my life. I have a lot of things that I want to accomplish this year, and it would be incredibly hard to do it while trying to hold a pile of unneeded things in my greedy little hands.
Something worthwhile to note is that when you ask God to diminish your pride, He doesn't leave you empty. We only THINK that we need that pride, and as it starts to leave, He fills the space with new dreams, with promises, and with more knowledge and revelation of who He is. The tiny little world we boxed ourselves into and held on to with all our might became a vast universe of possibilities when we let the box get cut away.
So, if diminishing your pride has been on your mind lately, go ahead and ask Him for help! It's kind of a constant process. It can be hard, yes, but really, aren't some things just worth fighting for?
And it doesn't happen overnight or last forever...kinda like collagen injections. You have to get them touched up every 3 months or so. But aren't the results worth it? ;)
Bucket list:
Hawaii. August. Surfing.
I hate blogs without pictures. So here's one:
Doesn't it make you relax, just looking at it? sigh.
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