The Tao Of Hugs

Hugs are magic. They have powers that a simple handshake does not have. Have you ever seen a girl throw herself into a guy's handshake? I think not.

There are many types of hugs. For your reading enjoyment, I've listed a few, with descriptions!

"Side Hug" - Appropriate for youth groups, opposite-sex pals, and group photos. You know the drill.. stand side to side with someone and put one arm around the other person's waist. I have the unfortunate habit of being what I call a "side-hug leaner" which means I always somehow end up with my head resting on the other person's shoulder. This can cause all sorts of awkwardness if not properly administered.

"Bear Hug" - Another friendly hug, both arms thrown around the other person in abandon. It's like joy embodied in an action. Works well for soldiers coming home from war or anyone stepping off of an airplane.

"Mama Bird Hug" - This is the one groups of girlfriends give each other. You kinda wrap your arms lightly around the other person like you're cradling an egg. You can add a shoulder pat if you want. The key is to be delicate.

"Bro Hug" - This one must be very carefully done in order to preserve the full measure of manliness of the person(s) giving the hug. One arm around the back at shoulder level, slap the back a time or two. Only lean in from the waist, and don't lean in too much.. this is very essential to giving a proper bro hug.

The "I've Got My Hands Full" hug - It's when you kinda prod someone with your elbow when they try to hug you, because you do want to hug them back but you've got your hands full. It still counts as a hug cause your heart is in it.

And of course, the "Bow Chicka Bow Wow Hug" - Definitely an opposite-sex type of hug. The girl's arms around the guys neck, the guy hugging the girls waist... and so on. WARNING: may lead to... other things. Use with caution.

I suggest immediately locating someone and trying out a hug on them. It's therapeutic. I'm pretty sure hugs cause rainbows to show up and bunnies to hop by. Try it. You won't be disappointed..



Yes please!

Jesus Was Kinda A Zombie

Caught your attention with that title, did I?

I'm guessing 62% of the people reading this are amused and/or intrigued, 25% are offended, and 13% only clicked the link because it had a picture of a green bunny cookie.

Easily offended? Now is the time to go back to Facebook and play Jesusville.

Oops, too harsh. Sorry.

But not sorry at the same time. I'm sick to death of religion and people getting offended over everything, and people just going along with "the rules" because it's been done that way for the last 145 million years. It's time to shake it up, people.

Cliche alert! If you give what you always give, you're gonna get what you've always got. Got? Gotten? Eh, grammar. Point: I'm done with "getting what I've always got"! I want more!

I'm not in the business of angering people on purpose. But if you get angry at me because I'm trying to push you out of your comfort zone, or because you've formed an opinion of me that's not based on facts, or because you're threatened by me, then I'm not feeling too sympathetic for you. Honestly, there's nothing to be threatened by. Come on.

I'm just coming into my own, is all. I'm finding my way apart from the influences that have stifled me for so long, and all you're seeing is a girl, unfettered.

Ranting aside, canned mushrooms: not worth the trouble. They kinda pop when you eat them. This makes me shudder.

But anyway, Jesus was kinda a zombie, right? He was dead for THREE DAYS before coming back. And he wants your soul (your MIND, will and emotions) = He wants your brain.

Oh, offended again? Sigh.

I think Jesus would think it's hilarious.

I kinda want to hang out with Jesus and see what he'd do if he lived in Springfield instead of Israel. I'm pretty sure some Skate World trips would be happening, and He would probably request that the DJ play Some Alicia Keys or Jay-Z. Probably edited though. I bet Jesus could bust a move on the rink. But he wouldn't be down with calling women the kinds of not-so-nice names they use in hip hop songs. Jesus would recognize a sick beat when He heard one, though. I also think Jesus might have a secret playlist of N*SYNC on his iPod. Just sayin.

We might hang out at a coffeeshop downtown and talk (anti-)religion and politics. We'd strike up conversations with stoners, hippies, and single moms. See what they are all about and show em a little love, Jesus-style. Heal some diseases, set some people free from addictions. Let them spread the word from there.

Then we'd hit Ring Of Fire for some Pad Thai. We'd take it out to the park and see who was hungry, and just keep serving bowlful after bowlful from that little paper carton. Miracles, holla!

Oh, my favorite: teaching Jesus how to use slang. "Word" - It means something completely different to a dude that wrote the Bible.

I just want to hang with Jesus, that's all. Really. I want to know what He was like as a regular joe, hanging out with the middle class, blue collar workers. I want to be one of those disciples. I want to be Mary, sitting at His feet and just listening to what He had to say.

I made Easter bunny cookies and decorated them like zombies. That's what sparked this whole blog. I made ninja bunnies as well. Here they are:



I also think that Jesus was kind of a ninja. But that's another blog.