Jesus Was Kinda A Zombie

Caught your attention with that title, did I?

I'm guessing 62% of the people reading this are amused and/or intrigued, 25% are offended, and 13% only clicked the link because it had a picture of a green bunny cookie.

Easily offended? Now is the time to go back to Facebook and play Jesusville.

Oops, too harsh. Sorry.

But not sorry at the same time. I'm sick to death of religion and people getting offended over everything, and people just going along with "the rules" because it's been done that way for the last 145 million years. It's time to shake it up, people.

Cliche alert! If you give what you always give, you're gonna get what you've always got. Got? Gotten? Eh, grammar. Point: I'm done with "getting what I've always got"! I want more!

I'm not in the business of angering people on purpose. But if you get angry at me because I'm trying to push you out of your comfort zone, or because you've formed an opinion of me that's not based on facts, or because you're threatened by me, then I'm not feeling too sympathetic for you. Honestly, there's nothing to be threatened by. Come on.

I'm just coming into my own, is all. I'm finding my way apart from the influences that have stifled me for so long, and all you're seeing is a girl, unfettered.

Ranting aside, canned mushrooms: not worth the trouble. They kinda pop when you eat them. This makes me shudder.

But anyway, Jesus was kinda a zombie, right? He was dead for THREE DAYS before coming back. And he wants your soul (your MIND, will and emotions) = He wants your brain.

Oh, offended again? Sigh.

I think Jesus would think it's hilarious.

I kinda want to hang out with Jesus and see what he'd do if he lived in Springfield instead of Israel. I'm pretty sure some Skate World trips would be happening, and He would probably request that the DJ play Some Alicia Keys or Jay-Z. Probably edited though. I bet Jesus could bust a move on the rink. But he wouldn't be down with calling women the kinds of not-so-nice names they use in hip hop songs. Jesus would recognize a sick beat when He heard one, though. I also think Jesus might have a secret playlist of N*SYNC on his iPod. Just sayin.

We might hang out at a coffeeshop downtown and talk (anti-)religion and politics. We'd strike up conversations with stoners, hippies, and single moms. See what they are all about and show em a little love, Jesus-style. Heal some diseases, set some people free from addictions. Let them spread the word from there.

Then we'd hit Ring Of Fire for some Pad Thai. We'd take it out to the park and see who was hungry, and just keep serving bowlful after bowlful from that little paper carton. Miracles, holla!

Oh, my favorite: teaching Jesus how to use slang. "Word" - It means something completely different to a dude that wrote the Bible.

I just want to hang with Jesus, that's all. Really. I want to know what He was like as a regular joe, hanging out with the middle class, blue collar workers. I want to be one of those disciples. I want to be Mary, sitting at His feet and just listening to what He had to say.

I made Easter bunny cookies and decorated them like zombies. That's what sparked this whole blog. I made ninja bunnies as well. Here they are:



I also think that Jesus was kind of a ninja. But that's another blog.