Death Has No Hold

Raise your hand if you knew that I used to be suicidal.......anyone? no?

You might find that surprising, or maybe not.. but if you think about it, it's not really too far of a stretch to think that anyone these days, particularly of my generation or younger, could have been subject to the kinds of depression and hopelessness that might make one consider ending one's life. Even I, who grew up going to church, got to a point where I felt like I could take no more, that the small amount of hope I knew would not be enough to push through one more day of hell.

Though I have my concerns about the relevance of churches these days, I cannot deny that the fact that I grew up in church, the fact that my very foundations were based on the truth that God loved me and had some sort of plan for me, was all that saved me when I had a razorblade to my wrist and no more tears left to cry. When I felt like I had no one on my side, no one I could talk to or count on, no one who wouldn't throw me under the bus to save themselves, a small voice spoke to me and reminded me that I have a purpose.

It's what I would now think of as a "divine moment", a touch of the sacred in the most dire and dark of circumstances. What a Savior.. reaching down into that little bathroom to lift up a broken, lonely, angry, confused little wretch like myself and remind her that the tiny, tiny light she saw at the end of the tunnel was, in fact, her salvation. Not salvation in an eternal-soul kind of sense, just salvation from the hell of depression, abuse, and deception she was submersed in on a daily basis.

And now that I can look back, see that girl trudging on one day at a time, slowly stepping into better circumstances, holding on when it made no sense to hold on... it all turned out to what you see today - peaceful, content, driven, loving, and loved. Me, now. I've never been more happy, focused, strong, or empowered as I am now, and it gets better every day.

I'm not gonna drag this one out. I just felt like it was time to share that part of myself, and say this:

Life can be rough. Correction - life will be rough. You can count on rough times in life, no matter what you say, do, believe, or think. Protestant, Atheist, Hindu, Buddhist, worshiper of cheddar cheese.. it doesn't make a difference.

God loves you. You've probably heard it a million times, but that does not make it any less true.. He does love you, desperately.

He has a plan for you even if it seems like there is no way forward.

He can, and will, come to rescue you when you call out to Him. He can't help it. He's our daddy, our father, and just as much as most fathers would give up anything to rescue their child, so it is with God.

Just sit back for a moment and let it sink in. The God of the Universe, creator of everything, just wants to be your dad. He wants to talk to you and He wants you to talk to Him. He wants to be involved in your life, to comfort, guide, direct, even laugh with you.

Don't pass it up.. even if you think you can't possibly believe in such things - just test Him and see. Talk to Him, ask Him to show you who He is and what He thinks of you, and see if He doesn't respond.

You might be surprised at what He says. :)