Love, Yo.

I am a ponderer. (Or, so I've been told.)

I think about stuff a lot. A lot. When I'm driving. When I'm doing laundry. When I'm working. Sometimes even when I'm sleeping. What can I say? I'm a multi-tasker.

The result of all this thinking is that I end up coming to some conclusions. Sometimes these thoughts are influenced by my emotions, because I am a girl. Usually I can overlook the emotion and get to the truth of things though.

I thought I'd write about some truths I find to be in existence, and at the forefront of my life, right now.

1. - I believe in love.
I'm a sucker for love (yes, I mean romantic-type love). It never works out for me but I still seek it out. I keep coming back for more. Opening myself up to love others has the most power to damage me out of anything else in my life, yet when I think I find it, I joyfully abandon myself to it. I'm like those fish you see that just fling themselves out of the water and splash back down in it. I immerse myself. I swim. I become so devoted to love that I will keep myself in what might otherwise be an unhealthy situation just to give someone one..more...chance. And eventually they come around. But usually it's when they're with someone else. (Go ahead, give me an "awwwww".)

When it doesn't work out, I get sad, but I keep swimming around, trying not to bite any worm-baited hooks, til the next lunker comes along. Every 3 years or so. Hahaha.

No, I'm serious. I have a boyfriend every three years or so. Or, if you look at it this way... I've had like 15 "date-able" years so far... and 3 boyfriends. So I'm actually averaging 1 every 5 years! Didn't you start reading this blog just because there was an off chance that you'd get a glimpse into the patheticness (not a real word) of my love life? Well, there ya go. Drink it in. Just think, you won't have to read any love blogs from me for like 4.9 years.

Wow, I'll be getting close to 40 by then. O_O


2. - I believe in second chances.
But strangely enough, I believe in second chances for others way more than I believe in them for myself. I want to smack myself for the things I've done to mess up my life over the years. But if someone else had done the same things, I'd just want to make them a cupcake and tell them everything will work out, that I wouldn't dream of not forgiving them.
But I have a hard time forgiving myself.
I'll give people chance after chance, even if it's killing me inside, until either a.) they give up - ironically, b.) I finally give up, or c.) I run away cause I'm scared.

All of the above choices have actually happened.

Sounds a bit unhealthy, actually. But I've never claimed to have it all together. I just like to talk about my stuff and see if someone else can learn from it before they do the same thing. Or just talk about it for pure entertainment value.

No one should ever be cut off from others because of one failure. We have to learn to give each other second chances. I'm so freakin imperfect that I literally would have no one around me if everyone I love hadn't given me second chances over the years. Yes, there are people who decided not to give me a second chance, and I guess I'll never know what would have happened if they had.. I might have just ruined that chance too. But that's not for me to dwell on. Or for you to dwell on. If you've lost a friend because they wouldn't give you a second chance, you're probably better off without them anyway. Harsh. But true.

3. - I believe that love is stronger than fear.
Simply put, when we choose to love in the face of uncertainty, we prove that love is stronger than fear. Nothing is certain in life except for that on which we set our hearts. We can make the choice to not love because we are afraid, but that doesn't mean love isn't stronger. It's like facing a chihuahua with a bulldog. We all know whose little Latino face is gonna get ripped off when the rumble starts, right? But if we never let the bulldog off the leash, and the chihuahua walks away with all appendages intact, does that mean the chihuahua was stronger? Nope. No way. Love is like a bulldog, baby. It will OWN fear if you let it.

Don't be afraid to love. It's too fantastic to miss, even during its bad moments. Which leads to my last one:

4. - I believe that love is a choice.
It's not always easy to love. It's downright ridiculous sometimes. It sucks to smile and kiss the face of someone who has hurt you. It's like injustice is stabbing you with a genuine Hattori Hanzo when you choose to take the higher road and treat someone with love and respect and they are walking all over you. It's not easy to keep your focus on the person who no longer seems to cause that "spark" in you, especially when there seem to be so many other options out there.

What is easy is letting your love fade or letting yourself get distracted by all the other things out there that want your time.

Some days, we have to choose to fight for love.

And when you make the choice to love even when you don't feel like it, something in you becomes even more attached to the object of your affection than it ever was before. Sparks and passion are great, but stability, faithfulness, devotion, and really knowing someone because you've been through it all with them are way better, in my opinion.

You might say, "What is this chick talking about? She's a failure at love."

You're right, I am. But the thing is - I'm not giving up. I'll keep trying until I get it right, and when I get it right, it's gonna be fantastic.

Besides, I'm a hopeless romantic with a lot of time to think about this stuff. Let me do all the pondering for you. :)